contrary to actual belief

 what makes us believe?
 when belief itself feels like betrayal?


not evidence--
but a quiet certainty enveloped beneath doubt
a reflex of our conscious
reaching for a steady stance
even when the ground is missing.


hope never does arrive loudly
all its adjectives are quiet
lingering
latent
uninvited


it disguises itself as patience
as working without reason
its like the gentle cruelty of maybe

calling it faith is wrong,
afterall its just anticipation
wearing borrowed confidence
a future i imagine
just enough to get through my present


therefore
contrary to actual belief,
we keep believing,


not because its true,
but because without it, we disappear.

not because its true,
but because truth alone cannot hold us.

not because its true
but because surviving demands a little fiction.

not because its true,
but because letting go costs more than believing.



                                                                                    - Deia



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